Well,
It's me again, Margaret. Yeah. Christmas...
Got an email from my BFF the other day - she says "Merry Frickin' Christmas"! I'm amazed. She's such a good Catholic! But it seems she is losing her voice which is probably good for everyone she will share the holidays with because when she gets PO'd - man - does she have a mouth! Halleluiah - we're safe til next year!
Her old man is sick in the bed - when aren't they - and I thought in light of recent events and her track record - he's # 4 I think, that she tried to off him and screwed it up (or maybe she just wanted him to have the pleasure of having his stomach pumped) but she says no, he just caught her "cough!" Poor baby. (Well, last week she wanted him dead, how was I supposed to know??)
And she fell walking her little piss-ant dog! I immediately got a terrificically funny image in my mind but she blew that one too - she slipped on wet leaves. Is it me or is she not as much fun as she used to be?
Well, that's ok, neither one of us are fun anymore and we're the only people who can stand each other after 53 years... I, however, am still looking forward to winning the Publisher's Clearing House and getting that Island home for both of us, considering our significant others will probaly have been long gone by that time anyway.
Oh yeah, what was the topic? Christmas. HA! So I got the tree up, wrapped the gifts, made the fudge, prepared the dinner, found out I had homework to do over this itty bitty break (some break), and half-heartedly decorated the house. Christmas Eve, the damn SNOW starts. Big, beautiful, fluffy flakes, that fell and fell and fell til 5 AM! A Frickin' Winter Wonderland! So now no one can get out to come here for dinner and I'm left with a 20 lb turkey, 3 lbs of stuffing, assorted veggies and rolls, cranberries, pickles, olives, potatoes, pies, and wine and more wine and egg nog... just the two of us! Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, snacks, and still more turkey.
Won't be able to get up and down our driveway til next year some time (even though the neighbors have heavy equipment, they apparently don't know how to use that funny looking blade on the front). We could be dead in here and no one would know for weeks. Screw them.
One wants to buy our pasture land so they can have more - fat chance of that - In the Spring I'm fixing the little red barn and putting the gate back up and getting chickens and a rooster (to maintain the chickens and crow his little head off to Piss everybody off and I can always use the eggs) - that ought to tell them something! The other neighbor just buys bigger toys - RV's, boats, planes, Time-shares, Harleys - each year (worked for the railroad, don't ya know - big check each year for the rest of their lives and never had any little crumbsnatchers to leach off them) and goes to FL a lot and on extended trips across the country and never shares the pictures but decided to stay home this Christmas so they could email me everytime a new FED EX or UPS driver left a package for me at their house by mistake and could we come and get it? They only go out once a day (??) and I guess it's too far to go a few hundred feet on their Kobuki or whatever the hell that noisy thing is to drop it off here and God forbid their new car gets dirty so we slip and slide down the driveway cause we can't get our car up to fetch it and they don't even say hi or wave. Who needs that?
So, I'm sitting here at 6:42 AM on my third Bloody Mary cause all the soda is gone and I'm water logged and I've planned out my schedule (pronounced shed'-ule) for the rest of the week to include homework, studying for 2 tests, about a thousand pages of reading, and a bath and now they tell me they will all be here on - wait for it - wait-for-it - NEW YEAR's EVE - for dinner and stay over and stay up til 4 AM so the youngest son can take his Dad's car to Charlotte for our granddaughter's return flight to CA - as if! What's another drunk on the road? So much for our quiet celebration - just the 2 of us.
But THERE WILL BE NO TURKEY! Ham, spaghetti, meatball sandwiches, I don't care - BUT NO TURKEY!
Yep - Faye was right, y'all - Merry Frickin' Christmas!
It sounds like your holiday has gone about as well as many of mine have. Although, the way you tell it, it sounds so much more comical. I wanted to have a white Christmas though and wasn't as lucky. We only saw snow flurries while everyone within an hour of us saw several inches. No fair! I think we also had our warmest New Year's ever. No snow then either. Hopefully we'll see some in January and/or February. Hopefully the new year will be a bit more kind to you too! Happy New Year!
ReplyDeleteYou are so funny! We had a white Christmas in Northeast MS and everyone was delighted.
ReplyDeleteI think it was the first time since the 40's.