Get in the car. Where are we going? I didn't hear the answer, I fell asleep. Get out of the car. Where are we...hospital. Why? Test scheduled. Who scheduled it? Your doctor. What doctor, I don't have a doctor, he's dead. You've seen several doctors, family doctor, pulmonary, cardiologist, sleep tests. No I didn't...I would remember if I did. Wouldn't I?
Out of the clothes, into the gown, onto the table, nighty night.
Where am I? Hospital bed, your room. Whoa. I don't have a bed and I certainly don't have a room, I'm out of here. Fighting now with everything I have. 4 big nurses, too many hands, trying to get me back into the bed. Get your hands off me! Take that. Wham, Pow. Right in the kisser...one down, three to go.
Loving arms, surrounding me, pleading with me, tears in his eyes. Stay, just for a little while, it's OK. Please, just take me home, I want to go home, I don't belong here. Yes you do. Calm down and we'll go for a walk.
What choice do I have?
Front and back gowns, now, walking with Kenny...dragging Murphy with the hanging bag. Eyes wide, looking all around. There's an exit, I'll find it, then color me gone.
Back and forth, always searching for that exit. Kenny knows what I'm looking for, so does she. Amazon Nurse a few steps behind - built like a linebacker. Maybe not.
I woke up once - nurse in a chair. I'm cuddling a little brown bear... Ha Ha. I made a rhyme. Apparently my granddaugter had been here and gave me her bear so I would feel better. How long have I been asleep? Pretty much for days. IV's, meds., lots of meds. Eat, sleep. Doctors in and out - I don't know them.
Apparently, everyone has been to visit but I don't remember anything. I'm getting better. Had a shower (snuck a cigarette.) IV gone and about 50 more pounds! How did that happen? You can just go to sleep and lose weight? Patent it!
Cardiologist in with test results - no blockages - great! Pulmonologist in - lungs don't look as bad as he thought they would with my smoking - but STOP. Wonderful. Psychiatrist in - asked about my Hallucinations - said it was all part of the deal - we'll just call them misinterpretations of what you were seeing. The mind is a funny thing. Phew - that's a relief.
Oxygen deprivation is my theory... the itching, the sleeping, the bumps healing black. My skin was dying and so was I.
Cleared for takeoff. Uh I mean, I can be discharged now.
I had Congestive Heart Failure - not sure why. They took 17 pounds of fluid off my lungs. Not to mention the bloated pockets of fluid on my face and the leaking from the bumps at my ankles. It will all heal fine and go away. Hence the weight loss.
But I'm in atrial fib and my Heart ejection faction is 15. All new meds - removed all old ones. No more pain program...only thing I can have is Tylenol. Great - I've lost 70 pounds plus twenty over the past year - at 5 foot and 1/2 inch - I shouldn't have any more back pain now.They tell me they spent the first 24 hours just trying to keep me above the dirt Their words, not mine. (Professional medical jargon.). Recovery will be slow.
What an amazing story! You have certainly been through more than any one person should ever have to experience. I am so glad that they were able to "keep you above the dirt," otherwise I wouldn't have had the opportunity to meet you or become friends with you.
ReplyDeleteAfter reading this story, I have learned that you and I have something else in common. I suffered a back injury many years ago while at work one day. I did the usual: back surgery, physical therapy, and pain management. No matter what I did, the pain would become so intense. Consequently, I spent many years on way too many medications. I very quickly began living my life in the same way that you did – eat, smoke, sleep, plus I did a lot of crying too. The only difference was that I had five children from the ages of 2-1/2 to 13 years that needed their mother.
Thankfully, those days are long gone and I have turned my life around completely too. I have since learned that the depression that can often walk hand in hand with chronic pain is very tough to beat. But I did! Depression gone! The number of medications is limited, as is their frequency, and they no longer include any narcotics (prescription only btw).
I am definitely beginning to think that God meant for you and I to meet. I'm glad he did! :-)
Great story! I am proud of you for making all of the life changes. I know it was not easy.
ReplyDelete